he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
high people should be assigned attendants
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
