Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
