the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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