Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
