He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
