you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
