how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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