He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
