Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
