1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
