I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
