WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
