I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize