If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
