Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
