well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
