why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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