Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
