Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
