You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
