You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
