you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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