I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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