You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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