just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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