I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
