first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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