Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
