Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
