Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize