1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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