Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
