I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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