the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
