Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize