U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He kissed a someone with a penis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
