sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
