What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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