You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize