Screwed.edu
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
