ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize