Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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