careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
