I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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