Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
