Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's great music for shaving your balls
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize