This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
