two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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