nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
