If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
