she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
