Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
