Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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