I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
