her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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