I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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