i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
