i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You took a bar mat shot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
