If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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