Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
