I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
