i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
