I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
