3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
