i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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