bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
