need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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