C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
