i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
