Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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