Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
