Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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