Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry about my life...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
