I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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