I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
