Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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