i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
either way he was missing a nipple.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
