there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
