Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
