There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This baby is an asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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