Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
