God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Randomize
