I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
