I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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