You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
