He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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