i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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