I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
