planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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