I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
