I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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