My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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