I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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