Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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