Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
