You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
