He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
