Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
