All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
