HIV tests are more positive than that guy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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