have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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