I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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